I had my March appointment with my surgeon. There were two items on the agenda, 1) weight bearing status of my left leg, and 2) surgery to remove the rod from my right clavicle.
The Leg
The x-ray showed there wasn't as much callous as he would like to see, but apparently fair skinned people don't build obvious callouses on their bones. My leg feels great, and it still has great range of motion (I do my exercises every day :-) so he said go for it. I got the green light to start putting weight on my leg today. I have to call and make an appointment with a physical therapist and he sent me home with a single point cane. While I am very excited to start walking again, I am very nervous about it, and afraid I am going to hurt myself (the Fear is creeping back...there really hasn't been much pain in my recovery, but the Fear of pain has been hard to manage). This evening I thought I would give my cane a try. I made Spencer stand on my right side so I could hold onto him, and braced myself with my left hand on the cane (normally for a left leg injury one would use their cane on the right side, but that darn broken collar bone makes that a bad idea). I put my weight on my left leg, and it felt weird. I realized very soon that not only was I not going to be walking, I wasn't even going to take a step (I did make a baby step). My foot felt like a pillow and there was no way I was trusting that cane to hold me and my baby weight up. It was like learning how to drive, and then being asked to ride a unicycle. With some physical therapy I should regain some confidence in myself and my new bionic leg.
The Clavicle
The x-ray of the clavicle showed that there was not as much healing as we would want to see at this point. Last month it was looking really good....so this was a disappointment. I had actually been able to schedule the removal of the rod for March 23rd, but we decided to cancel that and push it a month out to give the bone a chance to heal better. My other option was have the rod removed and risk breaking it again because it didn't heal completely, or having a permanent rod inserted. This totally sucks because it drags my recovery out another month (grand total of 4 months!!!!).
I hadn't thought much of my recovery beyond the 3 month mark...but realize now that I had assumed by Gwen's 6 month birthday I would be more mobile and could be the Mommy I want to be. I just have to accept that I am the best Mom I can be right now, and continue to live in the moment (no mourning what could be, just enjoying what is).
4 comments:
Well, I can't quite tell if this news is good or bad. I'm sorry to hear about the collar bone pin. You need that out soon. Good news about the leg, but sorry to hear that it's mentally and emotionally hard. I hope they get you scooting around soon. Maybe with a walker or something. But if it's not time yet don't push too hard. I know you are strong and you will make it through this. I'd love to talk with you more about some of the things I'm doing to help my arm heal. Maybe you'd be willing or able to try some of them to help you grow the bones back faster.
You already are a great mother for Gwen. She has no idea that things could be any different and it is clear that she is a happy and well loved baby. The heart and soul you give her are way more important than being able to push her stroller.
She's growing up to be a very cute little girl. You two are very lucky.
Long distance hug.
Everything for a reason, hon. In 47 years, I've come to rely on that saying as I see things happen, that I first thought was a disappointment. Guess the length of healing was a reason your first appointment to remove the rod fell thru.
I still honestly believe that angels watch over us, and even though we cannot know why things happen at the time, as life goes on, we come to realize why.
Did you get my email I sent last week?
Healing has its own life and mystery. I'm sorry things are progressing less quickly than you would like, but I also see that you are using the opportunity to be mindful about the present and flowing iwth what is. And you are the best Mommy Gwen could ever have. :)
I'm all spaced otu on pain killers right now as I had surgery today. More details at the blog. Must sleep now.
Big hugs, Brosia. Sorry to hear about the setback in your recovery. Let's check in about me visiting on March 24 - I still really want to come - not sure you're up for company that day. Thinking of you, Rachel
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